


Someone

by ConstellationConfusion



Series: Losing Myself [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Logic | Logan Sanders, Logan Needs A Hug, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, Lots of tears, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Not Beta Read, Repression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 20:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConstellationConfusion/pseuds/ConstellationConfusion
Summary: The other Sides find Logan in the midst of a mental breakdown, and Patton helps him realize that he is loved.A sequel to No One.





	Someone

Logan sat at his desk, tears streaking down his face. His thoughts spiralled and swept around in his mind, sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of self-hatred. His entire room was still, yet it seemed as if negativity swarmed around him, like swath of mist that danced across his skin, an intangible visage that tormented Logan in his frozen state.

The ticking of his black and white analog clock blurred together into a drone, leaving Logan with no bearing of time. He didn’t know how long he sat alone at his desk, but he did know that it was long enough for his eyes to sting, yet not enough for his tears to run out.

Then the glacier-like spell over the room and its habitant was broken by the door slamming open.

“Logan! Virgil says that Pluto is a planet, but I say- oh dear,” Roman burst into the room, cutting himself off when his gaze landed upon Logan, who didn’t even look up. He was stuck, unable to do anything but cry in silence.

“Roman, what did Logan say?” Virgil called from the hall, poking his head in. Roman threw his boyfriend a concerned glance, gesturing to the stagnant Logan. Virgil took in the scene, biting his lip.

“Go get Patton. I’ll stay here,” Virgil instructed, pushing a very worried prince out of the room. He slowly approached Logan, crouching a foot away when he received no discernible reaction. Placing a hand over top of Logan’s, he frowned at the other’s ice-cold skin. He regretted not taking the time to check in sooner, but they had all assumed that Logan was merely caught up in some new project and wanted space. It happened often, and he tended to have a short fuse when he was busy, therefore they opted to leave him be.

Virgil wished that he had been more thoughtful about Logan’s life, wondering what had happened that pushed him to essentially place himself in solitary confinement for a week.

“Hey, Lo? Can you hear me?” He crept closer, relieved when his friend slowly turned his head to look at him.

“There you are, bud,” he smiled weakly, thrown off by the blank stare that was fixed upon him. He settled for just rubbing Logan’s hand while he waited for Roman and Patton to arrive. Logan had always been the one to claim to be emotionless, but it never went this far. He had always shown at least frustration, satisfaction, pride, _something_. Virgil had never seen him so empty, so gone.

“Virgil! Any progress?” Roman panted, obviously having sprinted around the Mindscape in his attempt to locate Patton. He entered, sitting on the edge of Logan’s pristine bed. Logan didn’t move, not even to chastise Roman for mussing his sheets. Virgil’s anxiety for him increased tenfold.

“Ah, I’m here, Roman, what- oh my goodness, Lo…” Patton stumbled into the room, having ran after the prince but not being quite as fast. He immediately went to Logan’s side, and the immobile Side actually trained his eyes on Patton as he approached. There was a slight pause as they just stared at each other, then the next instant Logan was wrapped in a tight hug, Patton almost in tears with his face nestled in the crook of Logan’s neck. Virgil went to sit next to Roman on the bed, sensing that the two needed some space.

“Logan… I don’t know if you can understand me, but I am so sorry that this happened,” Patton all but sobbed, stubbornly clinging to Logan like a koala. “I love you so much and I wish I knew what was happening, but I’m here now and please just move or say something!”

Patton’s wish was granted as Logan’s fingers twitched, then his right arm moved up to reciprocate the touch with a one-armed hug. His face melted into an expression of confusion, not understanding why he was being hugged so fiercely.

“Patton?” Logan whispered, voice rough and low from lack of use. He slowly became aware of his physical state, quickly using his free hand to remove his glasses and swipe the tears from his face, then gripping Patton by the shoulders and gently pushing him into an upright position.

“Patton. Are you alright?”

Patton just gaped, still openly crying. “Am _I_ okay? You were sitting here dissociating and unaware, and you’re asking if _I’m_ okay?”

Logan huffed, staying quiet. A single tear track crawled down his cheek, not unnoticed by Patton. The moral Side smiled sadly, removing Logan’s hands from his shoulders and slipping his own into them, then led him over to sit by Roman and Virgil on the end of his bed, a small amount of space between the two pairs.

“Logan, honeybee, are you okay?” Patton asked softly.

Most of Logan’s resolve broke, and he collapsed into Patton’s embrace, shaking and breathing unevenly, trying not to cry even more.

“I- I am sorry, I just… I just- just kept _thinking_ that I- I’m not…” Logan stopped, then moved away from the other three. He exhaled, closing his eyes.

“I am sorry. I did not intend for this to happen, nor did I intend for you all to chance upon me like this. I assure you, I am fine,” Logan said monotonously. Virgil raised an eyebrow, Roman looked incredulous, and Patton just shook his head.

“Lo, you don’t need to pretend that everything is okay. You’re allowed to be sad, and you’re allowed to be imperfect. We love you, and if you want to talk to us, we’re here to listen,” Patton expressed, the duo behind him nodding in agreement.

Logan tucked his arms close to his abdomen, unsure. He didn’t want to, but if he continued the way he was, he would cause some sort of major error in Thomas’ mind. He would never forgive himself if that happened.

Mind made up, Logan began talking, keeping his eyes on Patton’s kind expression.

“It started with just an analysis of my being. I had all of the information beforehand, I just never critically thought it through,” he dug his fingernails into his forearms, not knowing how to continue. “Um… Do forgive me, I am not used to speaking about these sorts of things.”

“It’s all cool. I get it, it’s draining, and it’s okay if you can’t explain all of it right now. We’ll listen to what you can say, but it’s more important to just help you right now,” Virgil said, feeling oddly empathetic. He and Logan tended to see eye to eye on several subjects, and he considered him a good friend, but he had never truly connected with him the way he did with Patton and Roman. He wanted to help in whatever way he could, even if it was minor.

Logan nodded, still pulled into himself, coiled up and tense. “I don’t… I don’t know what I’m here for. My role isn’t anything important, I don’t do anything that Thomas can’t get from the internet or books. I’m flawed, I don’t fit in with any of you, I don’t do anything that matters, I exist for no reason other than because I have to for Thomas.

“Everything kept pushing me down, so I just buried all of it. Then it all became numb. I don’t know how I ended up dissociating for so long, but it felt no different from how I usually felt, except it was external as well rather than only internal.” Logan talked as if it were all just more facts that he had pulled from a book, instead of his personal dilemmas that had been troubling him quite greatly. “Every day, I do the same thing, I can’t go anywhere or do anything and it’s all so pointless. You all have each other, but I am an outsider. I don’t fit in with you, I don’t contribute anything positive, so by all means you have every right to shun me.”

He stopped, eyes flickering from spot to spot rapidly as if he had just realized how much he had said.

“Oh. I am sorry, I did not mean to-” He stopped once more, cut off by a shaky gasp, clasping a hand to his mouth to muffle the sound. Roman reached for Virgil’s hand in the same moment that Patton reached for Logan’s.

The logical side kept quiet, but allowed Patton to hold his hand.

“Honeybee, I know that we can’t fix everything right now, but we are here for you. We love you, Logan,” Patton said, squeezing his hand. “I promise you, if we didn’t care, we wouldn’t be here right now. We care for you, and we want you to be happy. You matter to us, and if you can’t seem to live for yourself for now, then live for us?”

“I don’t know what we would do without you, Specs,” Roman chimed in. “You keep us all sane, you’re so much smarter than all of us, and we just love who you are, regardless of what you provide.”

“You aren’t perfect, L. No one can be, not even you. But because of your imperfections, you fit our family perfectly. Your strengths compliment our weaknesses, and vice versa. You can rely on us, and we most definitely rely on you. And sometimes, the people who are really different from us are the people that we need the most.” Virgil tentatively offered his verdict, fiddling with his hoodie strings.

Logan hugged himself even tighter and lowered the hand over his mouth. “I… thank you?” He mumbled hesitantly.

“This was a lot, I understand if you’re confused or overwhelmed. Thank you so much fortelling us this, and we love you, so, so much.” Patton said tenderly. Logan swallowed. They all knew that he wasn’t the greatest at dealing with his emotions, tending to ignore what he was feeling rather than acknowledge it, which made his confusion natural.

He felt himself going numb once more, still closed off and curled into himself. The feeling terrified him, and he let out a pained keen.

“Oh, love. Come here, honeybee.” Patton opened his arms, and Logan let himself fall into the hug, relishing the closeness and the warmth of the moral Side’s touch. He began to cry, this time not suppressing the hiccups and gasps that accompanied the tears. The tie around his neck felt too tight, so he discarded it onto the floor, all while gripping Patton like his life depended on it. All of his logical thoughts and masks shattered, and he was consumed by the raw emotions that he had left behind for too many years.

Patton understood, and he just rubbed Logan’s back and whispered soothing words, and though a bittersweet smile occupied his face, he was crying as well. He let Logan weep into his chest for as long as he needed, his heart aching.

Roman drew an arm around Virgil, the couple watching in sorrow for their hurting friend. Everything else was insignificant in the moment, their only worry being Logan’s wellbeing.

When his sobs died down, Logan seemed content in remaining burrowed in Patton’s arms, sniffling occasionally. He felt like he was breaking apart, a torn-up lifeboat in the ocean, struggling to stay together. All that was keeping him grounded was Patton, so he absolutely refused to let go, though he did shift so that his chin was resting on the other’s shoulder rather than being squished into his chest.

Patton realized that Logan wasn’t releasing him anytime soon, so he motioned for the others to leave if they wanted to. Roman and Virgil stood, hand in hand, and Roman pressed a farewell kiss to Logan’s forehead.

Once the two were gone, Patton brushed Logan’s unkempt hair back. “Lo? Are you okay?”

Logan shook his head.

Patton gently shifted them both, moving so that they rested properly on the bed, on top of the covers. Logan curled around him, and the two held each other resolutely.

Maybe things wouldn’t be okay for a while, but everything had to start somewhere. Logan stubbornly refused to make sense of any of his thoughts, instead focusing on the comfort that Patton provided. A small voice in his head wondered if he was annoying Patton by making him stay, but he decidedly ignored it. He was loved, and he loved his family.

He was too exhausted to say anything, but he showed Patton his gratitude by lifting his head and giving him a weak but genuine smile. Patton smiled back, gently running his fingers through Logan’s hair.

“I love you, Logan. Try to get some sleep, alright?” He murmured, to which Logan responded by pressing his face into Patton’s shoulder and relaxing.

He felt safe. He had a long way to go, but he felt okay knowing that he had his family and Patton by his side. As he drifted into unconsciousness, he exhaled minutely, overtired from the extreme emotions that had battled him, but at ease.

He had someone to help him. He wasn’t alone.

He would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I got a comment about a sequel to No One, so here it is!  
I can't resist some good Logan angst, so here's a short fic with sad Logan and caring Patton.
> 
> Please leave a comment and let me know if there's anything I can fix or should change!


End file.
